Admittedly, this isn’t much fun in the here and now. But it goes some way to explain why I wasn’t around much in january, my new job was full on and I felt as though I had to work twice as hard to prove myself. In February I had money worries, which is why I refused to put the Fiji holiday you wanted on my credit card and opted for a Valentines buffet instead. In March, it was the house and the decorating and landcsaping that I needed to work on. Then in April and May I Had my fiitness Drive. June to September that was work again. October I basically hibernated, once again trying to save money. November and December were a whirlwind of trouble. mostly the same- work more work, work And in January? I had a brand new entry at the top of my anxiety list

To be precise, that’s you- in tears, on the sofa last night, telling me you want to be with someone who puts you first. Which, to follow your logic would mean someone who isn’t me. This wasn’t a threat. You weren’t angry. It was just a plain, true, mumbled between the mouth and the true statement of fact. Sleeping in the spare room, alone, all my other worries seemed dwarfed by the possibility of losing you. So, after laying awake all night, my head buzzing with worry and my eyes stinging with a lack of sleep, I’ve realised I have been wrong

So i’m writing this letter as a promise that, even if the world begins to crumble to bits around me. I am going to try and put you first. Because without you, the future doesnt mean very much at all.